Resources for Marriage in Crisis
Marriages in Crisis
“I was married for 20 years. My husband (now ex-husband) was the senior pastor of a small to mid-size church. He had an affair with our church secretary and our marriage ended. That was 28 years ago for me. Had it not been for the people in our church, I'm not sure what I would have done. They cared for me and my teenage daughters. But, that is not the norm in most cases.” - Kim Johnson
Kim Johnson shares her experience of going through a divorce as a pastor’s wife as her pastor interviews her during his sermon.
We are here to support you as you navigate the challenges of finding your marriage is in crisis. Below are links to articles, books, other websites and personal testimonies that we think you’ll find helpful.
We recognize how hard it can be to feel safe talking with others in your church. Women in NEWIM who themselves have experienced a marriage crisis are available to talk. We’ll meet with you via zoom or in-person. We’ll pray with you. We’ll keep your confidence.
NEWIM does not provide legal or counseling advice. You’ll need a professional and competent attorney who is well-versed in family law to provide advice for your specific situation. You may also need to hire a licensed therapist with expertise in marriage and family counseling to help you through this time. NEWIM is providing the following information for educational purposes. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional services or care.
You don’t have to weather this storm alone. Call us: 408-218-8225. Or come to a Springs Retreat where you can meet with another woman for confidential, one-on-one prayer. Kim can be reached at Kim.diann.johnson@gmail.com
Learn More About…
Blog Posts on Marriages in Crisis
Resources for Marriages in Crisis
Domestic Violence Hotline
Phone: 1−800−799−7233
Internet / chat: https://www.thehotline.org/
Dial 211 for Essential Services
Basic Human Needs Resources – including food and clothing banks, shelters, rent assistance, and utility assistance.
Physical and Mental Health Resources– including health insurance programs, Medicaid and Medicare, maternal health resources, health insurance programs for children, medical information lines, crisis intervention services, support groups, counseling, and drug and alcohol intervention and rehabilitation.
Work Support – including financial assistance, job training, transportation assistance and education programs.
Access to Services in Non-English Languages- including language translation and interpretation services to help non-English-speaking people find public resources (Foreign language services vary by location.)
Support for Older Americans and Persons with Disabilities– including adult day care, community meals, respite care, home health care, transportation and homemaker services.
Children, Youth and Family Support– including childcare, after-school programs, educational programs for low-income families, family resource centers, summer camps and recreation programs, mentoring, tutoring and protective services.
Suicide Prevention– referral to suicide prevention help organizations. Callers can also dial the following National Suicide Prevention Hotline numbers which are operated by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: 800-273-TALK
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Phone: 800-273-TALK (8255)
Spanish: Espanol 1-888-628-9454
Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
How to Report Child Molesting or Child Porn:
If someone tells you about child sexual abuse or if you run across child porn images (real or not), report it immediately to law enforcement. Do not print it or send it or show child porn to anyone. Contact the National Center for Missing or Endangered Children and follow their instructions: http://www.missingkids.com/gethelpnow/cybertipline or by phone (1-800-843-5678). https://report.cybertip.org/
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse occurs in up to 98% of abusive relationships and is one of the top reasons that it is difficult for people to leave. Unfortunately, many people do not recognize financial abuse as abuse. See the Financial Abuse guide for information regarding: What financial abuse is, the warning signs, and ways to tell if someone is being financially abused. (We do not support this firm nor do they financially support NEWIM. It is included for informational purposes only.)
https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/financial-abuse/
WEBSITES
Live Free Wives – A supportive community of women impacted by sexual betrayal and infidelity. https://livefreewives.org/
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) – Counselors specifically trained to help with recovery from sexual betrayal. https://www.apsats.org/about/APSATS
Beyond Betrayal – Validation, encouragement and hope for women who have been betrayed. https://beyondbetrayal.community/
The Graceful Exit – Empowering, educating, and supporting women as they contemplate and navigate divorce. https://thegracefulexit.com/
Bloom for Women – Therapists, data scientists, and medical experts create a complete, one-of-a-kind program that combines real-life data with therapeutic guidance to help you find hope and healing. https://bloomforwomen.com/
Fight the New Drug – Non-religious, non-profit website with loads of statistics and straight talk about porn addiction. https://fightthenewdrug.org/
XXXChurch – Small Groups Online and resources for those seeking freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors and shame. Also offering support groups for betrayed spouses. https://xxxchurch.com/
Mended Mentors – A Christian couple who guide men and women (together or individually) to hope, healing, and freedom from the pain of unwanted sexual behavior and the betrayal it causes. https://mendedmentors.com/
Redeeming Love – This reconciled husband and wife help couples or individuals navigate the healing journey from betrayal trauma. https://redeeming-love.com/
Boundaries – Books and workbooks, freebies, articles, and a free quiz to assess your boundaries. https://boundariesbooks.com/
BOOKS
Christian Books on Abuse
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope by Leslie Vernick. This book is written from a Christian perspective and speaks to women specifically to help them identify and get free from emotional abuse in a marriage.
Is It Me?: Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage by Natalie Hoffman. This book is also written from a Christian perspective for women struggling to make sense of a damaging marriage.
Redemption from Biblical Battering: Your Path to Faith-Based Freedom by Shirley Fessel. This is a workbook-style book for Christian women in abusive relationships who are looking for a faith-based path to freedom.
Out of Control: Couples, Conflict and the Capacity for Change by Natalie Collins. This book, written for the Church, gives an in-depth look at domestic abuse, using case studies and knowledge about abusive behavior traits gleaned from the author’s years of work leading workshops and helping the Church recognize and deal with signs of abuse in its midst.
Why Is He So Mean to Me? by Cindy Burrell. This book offers a sobering look at verbal and emotional abuse and the confusing, chaotic and debilitating commonalities of the enabler-abuser relationship. The second edition more deeply explores the highly predictable abuse dynamic and unveils the abuser's mindset and many of the tactics in his arsenal. It also provides an in-depth look at the victim's efforts to earn her abuser's love, why those efforts fail, how the abuser will likely respond when her actions and responses to the abuse change, and how to see through his mind games and traps.
Spiritual Abuse
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson. Written for both those who have been spiritually abused as well as those who may be (inadvertently or not) causing spiritual abuse, this book helps explain how people get hooked into spiritually abusive systems, the impact of controlling leadership on a congregation, and how the abused believer can find rest and recovery.
Untwisting Scripture by Rebecca Davis. This book takes scriptures that have often been used to harm people, or take away their rights, their voice, their boundaries, and their safety, and teaches us how to “untwist” those verses so that we can understand them as God intended us to, presenting the beautiful truth of God’s Word.
Sexual Addictions, Adultery, Pedophilia
Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools for Healing by Dr. Kevin Skinner. In this book, Dr. Skinner uses his insight from over ten years of research to explain why and how victims of sexual betrayal often experience symptoms that match those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He also provides practical guidance in recovering from this unique form of trauma.
Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Sheri Keffer. This book is written for women, and it has special applicability for those who live (or lived) with a sex addict or a partner who sexually betrayed them in any number of ways.
Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed by Debra Laaser. Available on Amazon.
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means. Available on Amazon.
Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Available on Amazon and Boundaries Books website.
Triage: Emergency Help for the Sexually Betrayed by Susan Smith. Available on Amazon.
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope by Leslie Vernick, (WaterBrook, 2013). Available on Amazon.
Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again by Lysa TerKeurst. Available on Amazon and Proverbs 31 Ministries website.
From Bondage to Bonding: Escaping Codependency, Embracing Biblical Love by Nancy Groom. Available on Christianbook.com
Developing Boundaries and Learning to Deal with Manipulators
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. This acclaimed Christian book on godly boundary-setting will help you learn how to set boundaries so you aren’t run over by others and taken advantage of by them
Who’s Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life by Harriet B. Braiker. A guide on how to navigate boundaries in your workplace, including a substantial section (the second half of the book) that includes phrases to use when faced by a boss or coworker who tries to manipulate you.
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward. This book specifically addresses setting boundaries with family members and loved ones. It includes explanations and examples, with anecdotes that help you learn how to respond to people in a positive way.
When to Walk Away by Gary Thomas. Also has a study guide.
Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.