Annonymous

The NEWIM Spiritual Formation Cohort kicked off with a question, “How are you arriving at this experience?” Since honesty was a prerequisite for participation in the cohort, I had to admit I was coming in feeling exhausted and utterly depleted, with nothing to give. Um, sorry small group, you drew the short straw!

Just a few weeks prior, I had dragged myself across the finish line of completing an advanced degree. I began my studies just before the pandemic shut down our schools, churches, and places of business…. Without time to tend to myself, I had simply pushed through to finish school. Meanwhile, my relationship with God had grown distant. I knew God loved me and I felt open to God, but it seemed something had gotten in the way.

“What is the invitation Jesus has for you this morning?” Luann asked that first morning, after reading from the third chapter of Mark’s gospel. The words, “they came to him” rang in my heart. A dam broke inside at the echo from Matthew’s, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I ugly cried through much of our first session.

In the months to follow, we were introduced to many spiritual disciplines and given space to practice them, reflect upon our experiences, and share with others in Christian community. Our first discipline was to discern our calling. At the time, I felt no initiative. I returned to my journal from the initial retreat and jotted down the only thing I could muster, “I feel called to learn from Jesus.” To this end, I began rereading the gospels and was soon reminded of how Jesus received the Father’s proclamation about him before beginning his ministry. Members of my small group affirmed my strengths, allowing me to recognize that my calling flowed from who I was designed to be, rather than simply what I could do. As we practiced gratitude, I experienced God’s gifts as expressions of love for me and my gratitude as an offering of love in return. During our practice of lament, I was able to process my anger, grief, and confusion, bringing to God things that had once felt too difficult to face. And in practicing confession and forgiveness, I experienced a great deal of healing.

At our final retreat, each member of the NEWIM Spiritual Formation Cohort brought an object that represented our time together. My object? A blanket. The experience of walking through a year of spiritual formation in community was a gift of God’s grace for my weary soul. It provided the comfort, warmth, and rest that I desperately needed. In many ways, this happened through our practices, but in many others, it happened through the support of my small group. These women encouraged and affirmed me, shared in my joys and sorrows, and became conduits of God’s love in ways I could never have fathomed. Although our time together has officially ended, on days when I struggle to rest in God’s grace, I am grateful I can still count on these friends to point me back to the easy yoke of Jesus.