You Don't Have to Hold It All Together
Kristy Howard
Somewhere along the journey of ministry, many of us—maybe most of us—absorb the quiet message that we’re supposed to hold it all together. Keep the team running. Keep the family cared for. Keep our face composed, our hearts soft, our inbox cleared, and our Bible study prepped.
And yet—behind the gentle smile or the well-crafted sermon—there’s often a deep weariness. A loneliness. Even grief. If that’s where you are right now, friend, can I say this as clearly as possible?
You don’t have to hold it all together. In fact, you were never meant to.
Ministry, especially as a woman, can carry unspoken expectations. We become the person others come to for comfort, guidance, vision, and strength. We’re told (or we assume) that to be faithful means to be unshakable. But even Jesus, in his fullness of divinity and humanity, drew away to rest. He wept. He allowed himself to be ministered to. If the Son of God wasn’t afraid to pause, to let others carry the moment, why should we be?
A Place to Let God
One of the gifts NEWIM has offered for 40 years is space—a sacred invitation to exhale. At retreats like The Springs, women don’t have to perform. We don’t have to teach or fix or inspire. We simply show up.
And what happens in that space is holy. Tears come. Silence heals. Laughter returns. And often, the whisper of the Holy Spirit gets a little louder in our hearts. Joy and strength start to rise—not because we’re “doing” anything, but because we’ve let go of everything long enough for God to hold us.
If you're reading this with tears in your eyes or a knot in your chest, I want you to know something else: You are not alone. Your weariness is not failure. Your need for rest is not weakness.
It’s okay to say, “I can’t carry this today.” It’s okay to take your hands off the wheel. Because Jesus never asked you to hold it all together. He simply invites you to hold onto him.
A Simple Invitation
As we celebrate 40 years of NEWIM, we celebrate you—the woman who has poured out love and wisdom, who has faithfully said “yes” even when it was hard. Now, maybe it’s your turn to receive.
To step away.
To be still.
To be reminded that your value isn’t in your doing. It’s in your being—a beloved daughter, held and known.
Kristy Howard is mom of five, writer, and mentor for Christian women healing from shame-shaped religious systems. She has served alongside her husband, Jeremy, in vocational ministry for more than 20 years and recently stepped into the role of chaplain.
In 2014, Kristy began a Facebook group for pastor's wives, The Honest Pastor's Wife, which is now a ministry of NEWIM. Kristy loves being part of a NEWIM team that inspires and encourages women in ministry.
Kristy creates resources that help women rediscover identity in Christ, beauty and rest, and unshakable confidence through grace—not performance. You can connect with her online at Kristy Howard Writes. Would you like to meet Kristy? Join us for NEWIM Connects this month.