My Life in Prayer

I remember the day I returned to prayer after many years away from the church of my childhood. I was living in Sao Paulo, Brazil with my husband, who I met in graduate school in DC.  We fell in love; I moved to Brazil, and we married in 1997. Our daughter Isabella blessed us with her light and love on February 14, 1998—Valentine’s Day! 

We had planned to live in Brazil for two years, but that stretched into eight. Although I felt frustrated, I also valued my work, friendships, daily life, and, most of all, being a wife and mother. Still, a growing unease stayed with me. São Paulo felt increasingly dangerous: my three closest friends had been robbed at gunpoint in their buildings or carjacked on their way home from work. Back  home, my mother was struggling with Parkinson’s, and I felt guilty for being away from her and from my sister, who was caring for her. 

My husband didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t think I could stay.  But the thought of leaving on my own was gut wrenching. My parents’ divorce had ushered in a difficult period in my life, and I didn’t want to recreate that for Isabella. 

In the middle of the night, after he had once again spent the money we had saved for our move, I cried on the floor in the corner of my closet and said out loud, “I have nowhere to go.” In that dark night, I heard a quiet whisper, “Go to church. Pray.” After I finally  slept, I woke early and went to church for the first time in years  and prayed, “Is this what you want for me, to immigrate to Brazil? Should I stay here and in this marriage?”   

I heard nothing in church but on the way home four teenagers came up to my car window at a stoplight with a knife and asked for my phone. I was shaken but fine. Was that an answer to prayer?  I didn’t think so. Two weeks later, the university where I worked asked if I would consider moving back to the States for a promotion on the main campus.  

God, the Way Maker, was opening a path, to move me home and closer to him! In June 2004, I moved back to the US with Isabella. We bought a house close to her school and my work in a safe neighborhood with other young families with children. I tried again to convince my husband to transition to the US but after three years and many plans and broken promises, he was still living in Brazil. Therapy helped me see he had abandoned the marriage, and I realized that I had too. We finally decided to separate in 2008.  

I loved my career, joined a church, and simplified life by moving into a townhouse in the same neighborhood, which was full of Isabella’s friends through her middle school years.  

In 2009, I fell in love with Anuj, my now husband, a father of two teenaged boys and a loving, gentle, and strong man. While I was raised Catholic and he Hindu, we shared many values, placing family first and prioritizing education, and we shared a love of travel and the arts. Most of all, we were both parents and we loved our kids—they were the “why” of our lives. We married in 2012 and began the challenging but rewarding work of blending our families in a beautiful home in a lovely historic neighborhood. It was in many ways the life I dreamed of, but still full of the normal stresses of managing many new relationships, a new home, and a family of three teenaged and young adult kids.  

Then, in 2014, only two years into my new marriage, I found a lump in my right breast. Anyone who has received a cancer diagnosis knows how terrifying and heartbreaking it is. As I faced difficult tests, complicated decisions, and painful treatments, I had many dark moments when I wondered if I was being punished  for the divorce or not marrying a Christian, and asked, “Why me? Why now?”  Yet, I also sensed that God had led me to find the cancer that had been missed in my mammogram two months earlier.  

The Lord was with me during every part of the treatment and led me to wonderful doctors and teams who cared for me and helped me return to full health.  By reading Scripture, I came to see that my husband, while not raised a Christian, had all the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I came to believe that even though I wasn’t living with a Christian, I could embody the light and love of Christ and lead others to his goodness.  

As part of my wellness journey, I sought out annual health retreats, and one year, found NEWIM’s Springs Retreat. Through prayer, I understand now that sin had separated me from God. By not forgiving my father for his abandonment, I had recreated abandonment in my marriage and hardened my heart against God. During the Springs Retreat, I could feel God’s love for me and see that Jesus had whispered to me in the darkness that night, with forgiveness and mercy, and invited me to return to him.   

My heavenly Father has never abandoned me and has been there to hold me up during difficult moments and celebrate my joy with me. Through my cancer journey, I have learned that God does not promise a pain-free life, but his “faithfulness continues through all generations” (Psalm 100). He gave me a second chance at love, a caring husband, a beautiful and supportive family, and a faith community—both at my local church and through NEWIM—that strengthens me. 

I am so grateful for the life that God has given me, and the vulnerability created by cancer has helped me to open my heart and trust God completely. I pray through every moment of my life now, and I praise both when it’s easy and when it’s hard. I trust in the goodness of God, and I live in perfect peace. The Lord really is the Rock eternal for me (Isaiah 26:3-4).

Psalm 100   
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. 
Worship the Lord with gladness; 
    come before him with joyful songs. 
Know that the Lord is God. 
    It is he who made us, and we are his; 
    we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. 
Enter his gates with thanksgiving 
    and his courts with praise; 
    give thanks to him and praise his name. 
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; 
    his faithfulness continues through all generations. 

Isaiah 26:3-4 
You will keep in perfect peace 
    those whose minds are steadfast, 
    because they trust in you. 
Trust in the Lord forever, 
    for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. 

Galatians 5:22-23 
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Anne Nemer Dhanda lives in DC with her husband Anuj and dog Dosie. Retired from a career in business education, talent management, and organizational development, Anne supports migrant families at her church and leads the NEWIM weekly prayer meeting.

Anne is on the boards of the Phillips Collection Museum of Art, and OneGoal, a national organization committed to helping high school students achieve their aspirations. Anne enjoys serving the Lord whenever she can, traveling, hiking, reading, and spending time with her husband and three adult children and granddaughter.