My husband didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t think I could stay. But the thought of leaving on my own was gut wrenching. My parents’ divorce had ushered in a difficult period in my life, and I didn’t want to recreate that for Isabella.
In the middle of the night one night, when he had once again spent the money we saved for our move, I cried on the floor in the corner of my closet and said out loud, “I have nowhere to go.” In that dark night, I heard a quiet whisper, “Go to church. Pray.”
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My husband and I went to Ghana with the hope of being used by God to train believers there to be disciple-makers. Our mission organization required us to have committed prayer partners before we could go. Little did we know the impact they would have. We saw God work miracles.
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Do you ever struggle to enter into prayer? Although I have had seasons of what felt like rich feasting in prayer, I have also felt at times like I was avoiding God. Can you relate? In recent months, something has been hindering me from wanting to pray. I found myself struggling to even know how to begin my quiet time. I finally decided to acknowledge this feeling to God.
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I experienced dramatic changes in my life because of prayerwalking. Physically, I lost two dress sizes, and I no longer needed the painkillers.
Emotionally, the depression that had clouded most of my adult life vanished. I realized that one morning when my son Josh came into the kitchen, where I was fixing school lunches.
“What are you doing, Mom?” He genuinely looked surprised.
I looked down, then at him. “Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”
“No, Mom. You were singing!” He walked away, shaking his head.
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Twenty-eight years ago, I was falling apart physically. I was overweight, out of shape, and reliant on painkillers to silence my screaming hips at night. The worst moment was when I walked out my back door one day and found myself in a crumpled heap because my knee had given way.
I knew I needed to do something about my health, so I decided right then that I would get up a little earlier the next morning and go walking. But I also knew that God had been beckoning me to spend more time with him. So, the next morning I got up fifteen minutes earlier and began praying while I walked.
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I was able to endure the difficulties I faced with perseverance as I trusted in God and his Word.
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Why does God answer some prayers and not others? I honestly don’t know. I’m so thankful that God provided a wonderful husband in Ben. I couldn’t be happier! Ben was married previously for 24 years and his wife, a physician, was tragically murdered in front of her medical clinic. They never had children. To this day, we still both struggle with showing up at church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Unanswered prayer can be deeply painful.
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Three and a half years ago, my husband, John, had a stroke. It left him a little less able to do what he had done before, and year after year we are “outwardly wasting away.” When I look to the future, I don’t know what’s coming. I desire to know the Lord. I tell him about my concerns and circumstances and share my joys with him. As I’ve learned, he desires to share himself with me. He wants to pour out his heart to me in his Word and through his Spirit.
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It is deeply healing to know that the circumstances that threatened to distort our stories are the very places where God’s glory was planted within us. His presence closes our wounds, gives us the ability to forgive, and allows us to fully grieve losses. These things remain part of our story, but how we tell it is reframed to reflect the goodness that God brings through each chapter.
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It all started on a Thursday in August. I woke up during the night in severe pain. Even the smallest movement caused shooting pain through my core. The pain was so bad I almost cried.
For almost three weeks, I struggled to feel better, wondering if pruning trees for a few hours had caused such a problem. I sat most of the time because I experienced excruciating pain in my ribs when I moved.
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