Why does God answer some prayers and not others? I honestly don’t know. I’m so thankful that God provided a wonderful husband in Ben. I couldn’t be happier! Ben was married previously for 24 years and his wife, a physician, was tragically murdered in front of her medical clinic. They never had children. To this day, we still both struggle with showing up at church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Unanswered prayer can be deeply painful.
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Three and a half years ago, my husband, John, had a stroke. It left him a little less able to do what he had done before, and year after year we are “outwardly wasting away.” When I look to the future, I don’t know what’s coming. I desire to know the Lord. I tell him about my concerns and circumstances and share my joys with him. As I’ve learned, he desires to share himself with me. He wants to pour out his heart to me in his Word and through his Spirit.
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I couldn’t stop thinking. Just one more thing to do, then I could finally relax. But that moment never came. Life was moving fast as a wife, mom, employee, and pastor’s wife. I was constantly in motion, doing good things, but slowly losing connection with the One I was doing them for. Then came the moment that forced me to stop. In a rush to finish laundry, I slipped on the stairs and fractured my ankle. Suddenly, I was sidelined—physically and spiritually.
In that stillness, God spoke.
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Forgetting is easier now than ever as aging kicks in, and I forget what I did yesterday. However, when I clean out a closet or go through attic boxes or the garage cupboards, I'm sure to find some long-forgotten “treasure” that will swoosh me back to a moment that evokes pleasant (or maybe not so pleasant) memories.
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Have you ever found yourself lacking the motivation to open your Bible apart from just knowing you should? I found myself in a dry spell like that for years. Recently, God has been so kindly and organically developing my love for his word in connection to our relationship. Sadly, somewhere along the way (or maybe from the very beginning) that got disconnected for me.
But, God.
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In August 2024, I felt God was letting me know that I needed “to be ready to turn on a dime,” or as my friend Cindy would say: pivot. Mind you, I had no idea what God was going to be doing in my life, but he was preparing me.
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The Bible contains everything we need for the beautiful music, the plan he has for our lives. And as our eyes are locked on him, our focus solely on his lead, we know what to do, when to do it, following the notes he’s written, glancing up at him to maintain the rhythm. Being content to play the part he’s given us, not jealous of another’s instrument.
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“When I feel afraid, I talk to Jesus,” she told me. She looked at me with her clear blue eyes, words simple and straightforward.
“Oh! That’s wonderful,” I said. “Tell me more!”
“He looks right at me.”
Playfully, I asked her, “Out of curiosity, what color are his eyes?”
“Blue,” she told me.
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When life is going well, it is easy to think that we would have faith to weather all the storms of life. I wonder if Jesus’ apostles thought they could, especially when they were in a boat during a thundering deluge.
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We shared our longings, experiences, challenges, heartaches, and questions that lingered in our hearts. We were able to listen and support each other’s desire for more of God by paying attention to the movement of God in our lives through these disciplines. We prayed for one another and encouraged each other by sharing testimonies of God’s faithfulness.
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