Forgetting What Lies Behind

Forgetting is easier now than ever as aging kicks in, and I forget what I did yesterday. However, when I clean out a closet or go through attic boxes or the garage cupboards, I'm sure to find some long-forgotten “treasure” that will swoosh me back to a moment that evokes pleasant (or maybe not so pleasant) memories.

A few years ago, my husband was rummaging through old boxes when he found a childhood relic I’d held onto for 70 years—a hobby horse I’d won as a five-year-old in an art contest on Angel Casey’s Playhouse. Encouraged by my mother, I had entered a Crayola drawing, and to our delight, I won the grand prize. It is the only art award I have ever received.

Over time, the hobby horse traveled with me from state to state, eventually forgotten in storage. Wanting to surprise me, my husband tried to reassemble it—but to his shock, I no longer wanted it. I tossed the old, rusty pieces into the fire. A wave of nostalgia came and went, but I had no regrets. The memory, and the original drawing tucked away in my cedar chest, were more than enough.

Honestly, letting go of the hobby horse was a loss with a little “l.” But how do we handle the losses with a big “L”? In 1997, I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack. My world changed in a matter of minutes.  As a believer, I was grateful to know he was in heaven with the Lord, but at the same time, I keenly felt the loneliness and singleness of my new life. My friends, family, and church provided tremendous emotional and spiritual support, and I began to understand firsthand what Galatians 6:2 means: to have others carry my burdens. However, at the age of 47, I was reluctant to surrender my singleness to the Lord, fearing he might accept it.  No, I didn’t want to live the rest of my life without a partner to share it with, so I tightly held onto the dream of one day being married again.
 
I relate to Corrie ten Boom, who, speaking from the experience of a lifetime of loss, reminds us to “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”

Paul's words in Philippians 3:13-14 resonate deeply with me. After forgetting what lies behind, we must strain towards what is ahead.  But what is worth more than all those remarkable accomplishments? What can take the place of prizes, titles, awards, and degrees? Or on a much deeper level, what can take the place of the companionship of a spouse?

Paul tells us in Philippians 3:8—the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord.  The loss of my husband propelled me into the deepest relationship with the Lord that I had ever experienced. He was my everything. After three years, I realized that my relationship with him could sustain me, and I was able to relinquish my desire for marriage. I also became more keenly aware of many others who needed understanding and support through different types of loss.* Six years later, a wonderful Christian man came into my life, and we have now been married for twenty years. Throughout that time, God has provided multiple opportunities in different countries to share my faith journey through loss.  It’s not about completely forgetting my past but using it to encourage others who have experienced loss.

The same year I labored over that award-winning picture was also the year I invited Jesus into my heart as Savior and Lord. I have had the privilege of knowing him for 70 years now. Just as Paul confessed, I can’t say I’ve arrived or never wrestled with a desire for material possessions or personal achievement.  However, I am learning to understand better the eternal rewards of knowing Christ more intimately as I study his word and serve him in the new ministry that he has called me to. These things speak to his heart, bring satisfaction and joy, and cannot be destroyed or consumed. They are the “treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where [my] treasure is, there will [my] heart be also” (Luke 12:33b-34 ESV).

Where does your stroll down memory lane take you?  Although it is good to know where we’ve been and what we’ve experienced, it’s better—even heavenly—to reach forward to what’s ahead.

*Gerald Sittser’s book, A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss, provided a significant foundation for understanding the tension between our spiritual knowledge and our emotional experience.

Over the years, strong Biblical teaching and ministry opportunities, both in the US and overseas, have allowed Nancy to see the Lord at work in the lives of women of diverse backgrounds.

In 2017, God put it on Nancy's heart to form the Olympic Peninsula Women's Fellowship, a non-profit organization with the vision of unifying and encouraging women in Christ at an annual Inspirational Weekend. As many as 600 women from 70 different churches across the Olympic Peninsula have gathered to fellowship and listen to a speaker share God’s word.  

Nancy and her husband Allan retired to Port Townsend, Washington, and love visits from their five children and 11 grands.

A recent attendee of NEWIM’s Springs Retreat in Three Rivers, California, Nancy was encouraged by the opportunity to connect with other women in ministry and share their vision to deepen their walk with Christ. 

You may contact Nancy by email at opwfellowship@gmail.com.