My Story of the Wilderness

It all started on a Thursday in August. I woke up during the night in severe pain. Even the smallest movement caused shooting pain through my core. The pain was so bad I almost cried.

For almost three weeks, I struggled to feel better, wondering if pruning trees for a few hours had caused such a problem. I sat most of the time because I experienced excruciating pain in my ribs when I moved. To exacerbate my misery, I caught a bug that added chills, fever, and nausea to the mix. I kept hoping I could kick whatever caused my symptoms. 

When my breathing became labored, my husband urged me to go to the ER. Tests revealed fluid in my lungs and shadows of fluid in my heart.  I’ve had pneumonia before, but not with such deep pain that rippled through my entire body every time I moved. I felt weak and disoriented.

The medical staff started IV medication which brought up fears within me because many nurses have had trouble inserting IV’s into my veins. I also had a couple of A-fib incidents—I’ve never had heart issues in my life, and this of course caused more fear as a cardiologist joined my medical team.  
In the whirlwind of circumstances, I felt like my body was out of control. I was scared.

But do you want to know the hardest part? Waking in the night, hearing machines pumping medication into my body, feeling very alone in the dark, and wondering, “Where is God?”

I started to cry and then just sobbed.

As my sobbing subsided and I lay alone in the little room, I felt depleted and empty. Then a phrase from Psalm 139 entered my mind like a clock ticking with familiar chimes: “Where can I go from your Spirit?”

My heart quieted.

I felt the presence of God begin to seep into my soul. Feeling unable to do anything, no journaling, no planning, no writing notes or working, no reading, no specific praying—I just sat in the presence of God and felt his love envelop me.  

When I was feeling better a few weeks later, I had time to ponder what happened and wrote in my journal:

“Lord, my plans sure went awry! I had very different plans for the end of summertime. I was surprised—you weren’t! I feel like you looked ahead and cried—knowing I was moving into a time of great pain, confusion, and fear. But also inviting me to experience more deeply your presence and love.”

Through this experience, I know deep within my soul that God doesn’t abandon me when I’m distracted, overwhelmed by feelings, unable to think clearly, or even reach out to him. The Lord showed me that even when I can’t call out to him, he is there.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you (Psalm 139-7:12).

God used Scripture hidden in my heart to remind me of the truth and release me from fear: God has me. God helps me. God loves me. It’s all about grace.

Julie is the Executive Director of The Unfolding Soul; a ministry serving those who yearn for a more life-giving connection with God. TUS offers spiritual direction, leadership coaching, speaking, and an eLetter that helps people discover God’s treasure in all aspects of daily life. 

Julie is an ordained minister, with an M.A. in Ministry & Leadership and a Spiritual Direction & Formation certificate. She enjoys time with family, reading, outdoor activity…and a good cup of tea. 

Early on in ministry she connected with NEWIM, which exposed her to deeper understanding of walking with Jesus and leadership skills, which continue to influence her life and ministry today.

website - www.theunfoldingsoul.org

my ministry email: julie@theunfoldingsoul.org

Going Door to Door Singing Love Songs

My hospice patient’s husband passed some years ago. They didn’t have children. Her niece visited over the holidays. When we opened the Bible, she directed me to read the 23rd Psalm. She said it gave her the sense that God protected her. 

She didn’t want to hear me play my violin, but when I offered to sing for her, she agreed. I pulled out the “Fifty Most Beloved Movie Hits” book and started singing some of the songs I recognized. It felt a little strange to be singing love songs to this elderly widow who honestly hasn’t always been that friendly or receptive to chaplain visits. So, after three songs, I offered to leave. 

Somehow, I got the sense that she didn’t want me to go. It was the briefest little pause she made right before she said, “It’s okay, you can go.” That bit of hesitancy gave me pause, so without saying a word, I flipped to the next page and started singing the next love song. 

Suddenly, I felt overcome with a surge of compassion for her. But it was more than that. I felt like something deep within me was tapped–-the sadness over a world that isn’t right, where I can start the year on a good foot, but around me there is anxiety about the new national leadership, devastation and despair caused by the fires in the Los Angeles area, and multiple sets of friends who have been unable to conceive. 

I started tearing up as I sang the Titanic theme song, then the song from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. Something within me broke, but not in a bad way. I just felt the power of what I was doing, even as I felt its inadequacy. I am a hospice chaplain who goes door to door, singing love songs to lonely older folk who deserve to come to the end of their lives feeling loved. 

My patient fell asleep beside me with cold ankles and cold hands. I had wrapped the blanket around her. Her body told me she was more than just a little cold. I seriously wondered if I would get to see her next month. I might not. She was frailer now, her face looked gaunter.

There is mystery in this work and profound wonder. I cannot tell you how often I wake up in the morning excited to start my day. My prayer is that as you read about my patients, you can lift them up to the Father with me. Many are going home to his embrace. It's a gift to walk with them as they prepare.

Tina grew up on Long Island, New York, in an intergenerational home of ethnically Chinese parents raised in Taiwan. After studying English literature at Harvard College, she went on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and served the multi-ethnic chapter for 6 years. In this capacity, she also ministered to the broader community as one of the Harvard Chaplains.

Over the course of 12 years of local church ministry in the Bay Area, she ministered in a variety of ways as she completed her Master of Divinity at Fuller Theological Seminary. She has served as a pastor overseeing life groups, outreach, and discipleship.  She has also had significant seasons serving as an interim pastor in various contexts.  

As a wife and involved mother of three elementary-aged children, she is now focusing on the ministry of spiritual direction and serving the broader community as a chaplain. She loves to write, play volleyball, and puzzle with friends. She has benefitted greatly from several NEWIM retreats during her years of service.

Connect with her at christinetenghenson@gmail.com.

The Joys of Pivoting

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

In August 2024, I felt God was letting me know that I needed “to be ready to turn on a dime,” or as my friend Cindy would say: pivot. Mind you, I had no idea what God was going to be doing in my life with that phrase, but he was preparing me for a lot of pivoting in the coming months. It set the tone for my fall and winter seasons and gave me advance notice in how I was going to learn to joyfully trust God.

I had prepared to change my focus from full-time ministry to running our family-owned bed-and-breakfast for three weeks starting at the end of September, as my parents were visiting family in the States. Two weeks in, I got the call from my mom: “Your daddy is in the ER; they think it might be a heart attack. There is no hurry to get here (Texas).” But the next day, I found out Daddy would have open heart surgery in two days’ time. I was in the middle of France and did not know if I could make it in time.

BUT GOD - I found tickets, the last seat on my first flight out the next morning and made it to Texas the evening before my dad’s surgery. The joy of being there for my parents and brothers was incredible. The fellowship we were able to share and the ministering to other people in the waiting room was a sweet time. Learning to trust God fully yet being prepared to lose my dad for a time was hard. Realizing, with Mom, that if we could trust God for Daddy’s surgery, we could also trust him for the finances and the work that would be waiting for me when I went back to France five days later.

Pivoting was not a lack of planning; it became a way of peacefully and joyfully doing the good works that God had placed before me. It became ministering to my parents by taking care of the business so Daddy could heal before coming home to France. It became putting my writing and studying on the back burner to do the work needed. It involved trusting that God’s timing was good and perfect.

This complete lack of control over my circumstances was very freeing. If I was frustrated at first, I soon found a rhythm with God and a joy of seeing what each new day would bring. My husband and I became intentional in our talks and spending time with our kids. I refused clients when I saw our employees were tired, and quite frankly, so was I.

Our church services continued, just a little differently, and with a lot more involvement from the people in our little congregation. But I will admit that I missed my routine of studying Scripture with deep dives and long periods to do so.

When my parents returned, we found new rhythms again. I was able to go back to ministry, dream of the next steps for our congregation, and plan silent retreats for women here in France. I am excited to see what God is going to do in my life and the lives of the women he will bring to our next retreat.

Pivoting can be a physical action, but it is also a mental and emotional exercise. Above all else, it is an exercise in trust. When we took our second daughter to the States in August to go to college, we were exploring the idea of going back to the States to live. I was gearing up for the move, thinking of different possibilities for the coming year and how to leave France well.

My thoughts and plans were interrupted by the pivoting God had me doing. I don’t know when we are moving; I don’t know where we are going; I don’t know what we will be doing, yet I am ready for this pivot. I am ready to joyfully follow my shepherd and trust that his plan is so much better than my own.

God has used these verses to encourage me through these pivotal moments:

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

Kristin Isaac has a Bachelor of Engineering Degree from John Brown University. She has translated many Bible Studies and books for various individuals, ministries, and pastors. From teaching children and adult Sunday school to being involved with and starting student ministries, choirs, and women’s Bible studies, Kristin has served and led in just about every area of the church!

Kristin, her husband and their four children are full time missionaries currently residing in central France. As a family they enjoy reading, hiking, and watching TV. They’ve even had the opportunity to hike the Alps together!

Kristin discovered NEWIM in 2023. She joined the NEWIM-Fuller cohort which has deepened her trust in how God is operating in her life and the “good works” he has called her to do.