Do you ever struggle to enter into prayer? Although I have had seasons of what felt like rich feasting in prayer, I have also felt at times like I was avoiding God. Can you relate? In recent months, something has been hindering me from wanting to pray. I found myself struggling to even know how to begin my quiet time. I finally decided to acknowledge this feeling to God.
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I experienced dramatic changes in my life because of prayerwalking. Physically, I lost two dress sizes, and I no longer needed the painkillers.
Emotionally, the depression that had clouded most of my adult life vanished. I realized that one morning when my son Josh came into the kitchen, where I was fixing school lunches.
“What are you doing, Mom?” He genuinely looked surprised.
I looked down, then at him. “Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”
“No, Mom. You were singing!” He walked away, shaking his head.
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Twenty-eight years ago, I was falling apart physically. I was overweight, out of shape, and reliant on painkillers to silence my screaming hips at night. The worst moment was when I walked out my back door one day and found myself in a crumpled heap because my knee had given way.
I knew I needed to do something about my health, so I decided right then that I would get up a little earlier the next morning and go walking. But I also knew that God had been beckoning me to spend more time with him. So, the next morning I got up fifteen minutes earlier and began praying while I walked.
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I was able to endure the difficulties I faced with perseverance as I trusted in God and his Word.
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God’s answer. The Cross of Christ. The ONLY answer. No amount of counseling or self-effort or anything else could free me from the burden of guilt and shame. Only what Jesus did on the Cross, only the grace and forgiveness God gave through the death of his Son, only this could set me free.
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Why does God answer some prayers and not others? I honestly don’t know. I’m so thankful that God provided a wonderful husband in Ben. I couldn’t be happier! Ben was married previously for 24 years and his wife, a physician, was tragically murdered in front of her medical clinic. They never had children. To this day, we still both struggle with showing up at church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Unanswered prayer can be deeply painful.
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Three and a half years ago, my husband, John, had a stroke. It left him a little less able to do what he had done before, and year after year we are “outwardly wasting away.” When I look to the future, I don’t know what’s coming. I desire to know the Lord. I tell him about my concerns and circumstances and share my joys with him. As I’ve learned, he desires to share himself with me. He wants to pour out his heart to me in his Word and through his Spirit.
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It is deeply healing to know that the circumstances that threatened to distort our stories are the very places where God’s glory was planted within us. His presence closes our wounds, gives us the ability to forgive, and allows us to fully grieve losses. These things remain part of our story, but how we tell it is reframed to reflect the goodness that God brings through each chapter.
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Do you need the Lord to “show up” for you too? Are you looking to him? Read the Christmas story again and rejoice in God’s faithfulness to his word. God will fulfill his promises for you. He can show up and accomplish things on your behalf.
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Somewhere along the journey of ministry, many of us—maybe most of us—absorb the quiet message that we’re supposed to hold it all together. Keep the team running. Keep the family cared for. Keep our face composed, our hearts soft, our inbox cleared, and our Bible study prepped.
And yet—behind the gentle smile or the well-crafted sermon—there’s often a deep weariness. A loneliness. Even grief. If that’s where you are right now, friend, can I say this as clearly as possible?
You don’t have to hold it all together. In fact, you were never meant to.
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